17 причин отказа от секса :-)

[awaken]

To My Dear Wife,


During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I

have succeeded 12 times. The following list is why I didn"t succeed

often.


1. The sheets are clean. . . . . . . . . . . . . .54 times

2. It is too late. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17 times

3. Too tired from shopping all day. . . . . . . . 49 times

4. It is too early. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 times

5. It is too hot. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 times

6. Pretending to be asleep. . . . . . . . . . . . 15 times

7. The neighbors will hear us. . . . . . . . . . .3 times

8. Headache. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22 itmes

9. Sunburn. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 times

10. Your Mother will hear us. . . . . . . . . . . .9 times

11. Not in the mood. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43 times

12. You will wake the baby. . . . . . . . . . .. . 17 times

13. Watching the late show. . . . . . . . . .. . . 6 times

14. New Hairdo. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..5 times

15. Too sore. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16 times

16. Wrong time of month. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36 times

17. Have to get up early. . . . . . . . . . . . . .19 times

Of the 12 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because 2
times you just laid there, 4 times you reminded me that there was a crack in
the ceiling, 3 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 2 times I
had to wake you up to tell you that I had finished, and once I was afraid I
had hurt you because I felt you move.



To My Dear Husband,


I think that you have gotten things a little confused. Here are the real
reasons you did not get it more often than you did.

1. Came home drunk and tried to fuck the cat. . . . 15 times

2. Did not come home at all. . . . . . . . . . . . .36 times

3. Did not cum. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..21 times

4. Came too soon. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33 times

5. Went soft before you got it in. . . . . . . . . .33 times

6. Toes cramped. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 times

7. Working too late. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38 times

8. Have to get up early to play golf. . . . . . . . 29 times

9. Had a fight and someone kicked you in the balls . 2 times

10. Caught Herman in your zipper. . . . . . . . . . .4 times

11. Caught a cold and your nose kept running. . . . .3 times

12. Burned your tongue on hot coffee. . . . . . . . .3 times

13. You had a splinter in your finger. . . . . . . . 2 times

14. Came in your PJ"s while reading a dirty book. .16 times

15. Watching football on TV. . . . . . . . . . . . 98 times

16. Hemorrhoids flared up. . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 times


Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid still was because you
were fucking the sheets. I wasn"t talking about the crack in the ceiling.
What I said was, would you prefer me on my back or kneeling. The time you
felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe!!

[CompuGeek]

Вот ведь придумают... 12 из 365... Так это монах какой-то