Jewish humor

[Масяня]

The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish
women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this
is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backwards is Not Now.
_________________________________________

There's a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins.
In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it
graduates from medical school.
_________________________________________

Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
_________________________________________

Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American Princess horror
movie?
A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes."
________________________________________

Q: Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.
_______________________________________

Q: What's a Jewish American Princess' favorite position?
A: Facing Bloomingdales.
_______________________________________

When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that
her check came back, she replied, "So did my arthritis."
_______________________________________

A man calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good,"says the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son says,"Why are you so weak?"
She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The man says, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in
38 days?"
The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to
be filled with food if you should call."
________________________________________

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother
he's been given a part in the school play.
"Wonderful. What part is it?"
The boy says,"I play the part of the Jewish husband."
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and get a speaking
part."
_______________________________________

Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A: Under the vacuum cleaner.
_______________________________________

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: "(Sigh) Don't bother, I'll sit in the dark, I don't want to be a
nuisance to anybody."
_____________________________________

Short summary of every Jewish Holiday:
"They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat."
_____________________________________

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish
mother on the street and said, 'Lady, I haven't eaten in three
days.'
"Force yourself," she replied.
____________________________________

Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish
Mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
___________________________________

Jewish telegram: "Begin worrying. Details to follow."