Местный юмор

[kron]

то б-б


КЛАСС!!! Я вообще-то подозревала, что американцы не совсем умные люди, но чтобы на столько?!

На самом деле это рассказ,основанный на реалиях. :ролл: :мргреен: Мне приходится деал витх цредит цард иссуес каждый день,так для меня совсем не новость,что,во-первых,очень многие американцы имеют цредит цардс,совершенно не имея представления ,как они работают,а во-вторых,если у человека аутоматиц паымент он а цредит цард,то действительно бывает и такое,что человек уж год-два ,как помер,а компания все еще чаржит его карту,а карта платит за ,так сказать,"услуги". 8О И смех и грех. :паин1: :мргреен:

Все банки знают что делать если клиент умер. У них в системе есть такая опция. Так что рассказ хоть и смешной - но вымышленный.

[deizy]

А ваши подозрения строились исключительно на похожих юмористических рассказах?[/quote]


Нет, вы знаете, не только, в реальной жизни то же подобного хватает, но вот такое впервый раз слышу.

[OBender]

Не, неправильно вы сказали, не "американцы не совсем умные" а народ набираемый в кастамер саппорт
У меня в пятницу состаялся разговор с национальным кастомер сервисом иммиграционной службы.
Вот тут точно и смех и грех. Туда помоему с IQ больше 60 небирут людей.

[Gennadiy]

Туда помоему с IQ больше 60 небирут людей.

Вот например ВЫ бы туда пошли работать? Тото же

[vize]

NSTRUCTIONS ...

On a blanket from Taiwan:
Not to be used as protection from a tornado.

Warning on fireplace log:
Caution -- Risk of Fire.

A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists:
Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.

Warning on an electric router made for carpenters:
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.

On a bottle of shampoo for dogs:
Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.

Warning on a cartridge for a laser printer:
Do not eat toner.

A wheel 13" a wheelbarrow warns:
Not for highway use

On a can of self-defense pepper spray:
May irritate eyes.

Baby stroller warning:
Remove child before folding.

A fireplace lighter cautions:
Do not use near fire, flame or sparks.

A handheld massager warns consumers:
Don't use while sleeping or unconscious.

Cardboard car sun shield that keeps sun off the dashboards warns:
Do not drive with sun shield in place

Bottle water label warns:
Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth.

On a box of rat poison:
Warning: Has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.

Toilet bowl cleaning brush warns:
Do not use orally.

An electric cattle prods warns:
For use on animals only

Cheap rubber ball toy warning:
Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball.

Caution on a package of dice:
Not for human consumption.

Stamped on the barrel of a .22 calibre rifle:
Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.

On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack:
Remove plastic before eating.

A TV remote controller warns:
Not dishwasher safe

сорри если есть повторы.

[b-b]

.......

Love it!

[vize]

.......

Love it!

[vize]

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight
"safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
******
On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the
pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will
be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance
the appearance of your flight attendants."
******
On landing the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all your belongings.
If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like
to have."
******
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of
this airplane."
******
"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us
the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
******
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone
voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
******
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight
attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening
the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell
everything has shifted."
******
From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to
YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and
pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't
know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised."
******
In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the
ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you
have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting
with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your
favorite.
******
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll
try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody
loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
******
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an
emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our
compliments."
******
"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead
area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting
children... or other adults acting like children."
******
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants.
Please do not leave children or spouses."
******
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta airlines is pleased to
have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.
Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
******
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake
City:
The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump,
an d I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the
airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight
attendant's fault...it was the asphalt!"
******
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was
really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight
Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain
in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's
left of our airplane to the gate!"
******
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
terminal."
******
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his
ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required
the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile,
and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that, in light of
his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,
thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had
gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,
"Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot.
"What is it?"
The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"
******
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on
with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash
and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the
gate.
And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced,
we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the
terminal."
******
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you
folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge
to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll
think of US Airways."
******
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable
cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight
Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good
and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back
and relax - OH, MY GOD!"
Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the
intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you
earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of
coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my
pants!"
A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of
mine!"

[VladG2]

There are four people sharing a compartment on a train - a beautiful young Italian woman, a rather elderly German lady, an American man, and a Canadian man.

They're making polite small talk when the train goes through a tunnel. All you can hear in the darkness is a huge "WHACK!" When they come out the other side, the American is rubbing the side of his face which is all red.

The American thinks "Damn, that Canadian fool must have grabbed that young Italian woman, and she slapped me thinking I'd done it."

The Italian woman thinks "Damn, that stupid American must have tried to feel me up, missed, groped that old German woman instead, and she must have slapped him for it."

The German lady thinks "Damn, that stupid American must have groped that young Italian woman in the darkness, and she must have slapped him for it."

The Canadian man thinks "I hope we go through another tunnel so I can smack that American again!"